Date of the Week: Putt-Putt Picnic!

This week, take advantage of the DC summer by going to play putt-putt and enjoy a picnic. DC is limited in its putt-putt options. I mean, sure, there's the H Street Country Club, but playing in a dark bar really doesn't take advantage of the summer, now does it? You should still check this place out sometime though. Just not this weekend, ok? You're going on an outdoor date. You're going to Hains Point. Sure, it's not the fanciest course around, but it has its charm.

Start your day off by either packing yourself and your date a picnic, or going to the closest Chipotle and getting a couple of burritos to go. Remember to pack bottled drinks if you opted for Chipotle. You can't really put a fountain soda in your backpack. Also pack a picnic blanket, or a couple of towels. Now that you're all packed-up, you can either get in your car, or get ready for a good, long walk. I prefer walking. For you drivers out there, you're in luck -- there are a TON of free parking spaces at the East Potomac Golf Course. Also, they have real golf, if you're ever looking for somewhere to play.

Take the metro to the Smithsonian station, the head to Hains Point. Here's how. The mini golf course usually isn't very crowded -- even on weekends. Games are $6 per person. The course is well-shaded, making it a relaxing place for a fun afternoon. The course is a little old, meaning there are strange bumps that might impact your game. If you're serious about your game, that is. When I go, I usually end up goofing off by trying to knock my opponent's ball out of the way.

After putt-putt, head down to the water to enjoy the lunch you packed. I prefer the side that looks over the Potomac to Virginia (as opposed to the side that looks on to DC). It tends to be quieter. Plus, you can see planes take-off from Reagan National, and the DC Duck tour boat goes by every so often. And that's pretty awesome.

If you walked, you can stop and check out the monuments on your back home. If you drove, then you can stop and enjoy the traffic around the monuments on your way home.

Date of the Week: Hiking and Chicken!

I've been getting antsy from being in the city too long, so this week, let's head 'em up, move 'em out! If you're one of the lucky Washingtonians who actually has a car, you're in luck. There are a lot of great destinations for a day trip from which you can pick. This week, I am going to suggest hiking and chicken.

Get up nice and early, pack some trail mix and plenty of water and drive out to Skyline Drive in Virginia. There is a $15 fee per car to get in, but if you think you might come back, I would suggest springing for the annual pass ($30). If you really like parks, there is an $80 annual pass that will get you in to all National Parks. There are several great trails (not to mention, amazing views) along the way. I would suggest Little Devil Stairs as a good hiking trail. It's a little intense. And a little wet. But, you can handle it. SCT's dachshund can handle it. No, really, he loves to hike! One thing to be wary of are the ticks. They will get you. And if you have thick hair like I do, they will love your head. Make sure you wear a hat and cover yourself with bugspray. Also, you will get a little dirty, so if you drive a nice car, or one you want to keep clean, bring a towel for the car ride, and a plastic bag to put your dirty shoes. Also, if your phone is like mine, you will get spotty coverage in this area. I just leave mine turned off when I go out here.

After returning from your hike, continue driving down Skyline Drive. Take it all the way to Charlottesville and reward yourself with a Caniac meal from my favorite fastfood restaurant, Raising Cane's. Sadly, this is the closest Canes to DC. I know you non-Louisiana people are probably thinking "why the hell would I go all the way to Charlottesville for chicken fingers?" Well, just trust me on this one. Once you go, you'll get it. And you will be planning many a trip back to get your fix.

Date of the Week: The Shame

My boyfriend loves Harry Potter. I know I'm going to offend some people by saying this, but I think it's really lame for a man in his 30's to get into children's books and movies. However, being the awesome girlfriend that I am, I will go with him to the theatre to see this crappy movie. I will need a lot of booze to tolerate this.

So, I will start the night out with dinner at the CommonWealth Gastropub in Columbia Heights. It fits the whole British theme. Also, they have beer. Lots of beer. And the hearty food necessary to eat in order to consume lots of beer. I would set aside more time that usual to eat to account for all the boozing you'll want to do.

Anyway, the restaurant is next to the Columbia Heights metro, so it's just a short ride on the green or yellow line to the Regal Gallery Place movie theatre. Chinatown tends to get insanely crowded, so I would suggest purchasing tickets ahead of time. Also, even with your tickets purchased early, you'll still want to get to the theatre early enough to get decent seats. Seriously. I went to see "The Hangover" a few weeks ago and ended up getting stuck in the back row that has about 1/3 the leg space. My knees were pressed against the seat in front of me the whole time. And the little brat in that seat felt the need to keep rocking her seat back, jamming my knees. The little brat next to her (in front of my boyfriend) had the audacity to turn around and yell at him to not kick her seat, despite the fact the only thing moving was her seat as she rocked it. I hope she fell in a hole. She was a brat. But, I digress.

After sitting through the movie, you'll want to get up and stretch your legs, so take a walk down to Elephant & Castle (or metro if you're feeling lazy) to resume boozing while keeping with the British theme.

Who's gonna drive you home?

O/G is five weeks older than me. Most of the time we were dating, it was barely noticeable, but there were a few age-restricted activities that always seemed to fall in those five weeks that made life complicated. One of such was renting a car.

As everyone knows, if you rent a car before you're 25, you are tagged with all sorts of extra fees. It's grossly unfair because I was no bit a better driver on my 25th birthday than I was the day before, but it's based on accident data and I understand a business has to make a decision about risk so whatever.

O/G's 25th birthday was on a week day in early April. I planned to fly to Georgia the following weekend to celebrate. The previous time I had visited, I had flown to Jacksonville, rented a car (taking the hit on extra fees), and driven 90 minutes up I-95 to his house (it had been cheaper to do this than fly directly to Savannah and I was visiting for a long weekend so the drive wasn't a big deal). O/G really liked that I had a rental car because it meant he didn't have to put miles on his car and we could go out to the bars and cab home and then retrieve the other car the next morning. He liked it so much that he requested I do it again for his birthday. And by requested, I mean demanded in his whiny-baby voice.

The smart thing to do would have been for him to rent the car in his name, as by the time I arrived in Savannah on Friday afternoon, he would have already been 25 and thus wouldn't have to pay the extra fees. I suggested this as I was planning my travel but he didn't want to do this. His reasoning? It was his birthday so he didn't want to pay AND it was my turn to visit him and therefore my turn to pay for the travel costs.

I offered to write him a check for the amount of the car rental (since the fee itself usually has to be charged to a credit card in the driver's name), but he didn't like that idea because he didn't feel comfortable letting me drive a car that was rented in his name. Plus, in his words "the travel thing is your problem this time babe". Sort of like how I made it his probably to get him to and from the airport when he came to visit DC or how I left him to deal with his problem when his flight home got canceled during a snow storm. But that's probably why our relationship soured: I never made anything his problem and therefore he did not know how to solve his own problems.

In the end, I rented a car and paid the extra fees and spent the weekend driving him around on his errands because he didn't want to put miles on his car. After all, it was his birthday and I was a complete pushover back then.

A kiss on the hand may be quite continental

A few weeks ago, my sister stumbled upon a website called Ex-Boyfriend Jewelry where girls (and I suppose guys) can sell the jewelry their exes gave them. I had a complete "why didn't I think of that?" moment.

Over my years of dating, I have accumulated many pieces of jewelry and until I dated O/G, I had only returned one piece, a fraternity lavaliere, because I couldn't really wear the letters of someone I wasn't dating. Until I dated O/G, I never had an ex ask for his jewelry back. This includes several pieces of nice jewelry (Tiffany, David Yurman), several pieces of fine jewelry (diamond earrings, pearls, nice watches) and a decently-sized engagement ring, in addition to the other, more sentimental pieces. Of course, like many things, O/G was different about jewelry.

When O/G broke up, he sent me an itemized list of the jewelry he wanted back. I'm sorry, I meant he called my mother with an itemized list of the jewelry he wanted back because I wouldn't take his calls. We had been dating on and off for five years so one would imagine this list would be fairly extensive and it probably would have been, had he bought me jewelry that I liked from the beginning of our relationship. See, O/G spent the first three-quarters of our relationship buying me jewelry that he thought I should like, rather than the pieces I actually did like. And it wasn't that he didn't know what I would like: he'd take me shopping, I would pick out pieces that I liked, he would pick out things he'd like, I would reject his choices and three days later he would present me with one of the rejected pieces.

It was a real struggle to work rose gold heart necklaces with matching earrings into my wardrobe, but he would whine and complain if I arrived at his place not wearing something he gave me.

Finally, after a particularly big fight, he randomly started buying me jewelry I would actually wear. And I did wear these pieces regularly.

Those were the pieces that appeared on the itemized list. I have no idea what he did with a David Yurman bracelet and necklace and a pair of John Hardy earrings that he wouldn't do with the rose gold heart set and Tin Cup-style pearl illusion necklace. All the jewelry he gave me cost about the same, so if he just wanted to pawn the stuff, he should have asked for all of it back. All of it was long past its return date so it's not like he could bring it back to the jeweler.

I'm starting to think he saved it for his next girlfriend, which is creepy. And, judging from her Facebook picture, she's more the down-home rose gold heart set type.

Date of the Week: Moon Landing!

For the month of July, the National Air and Space Museum will be celebrating the 40th anniversary of Apollo 11. NASM is one of my favorite museums in Washington, and this is the perfect chance to go check it out. The museum is open until 7:30 most days in the summer, with a few exceptions. So, why not plan to go a little later in the afternoon. Maybe around 4 or 5. Catch a show in the planetarium, then check out all the Apollo 11 artifacts, including the command module, Columbia, and some lunar rocks.

After the museum, head up 7th street to Rocket Bar in Chinatown. This is the point where I should remind you to wear shoes you can walk a few blocks in. I am not going to say "comfortable walking shoes" because, that brings to mind visions of ugly tourist sandals. Cute shoes can be comfortable. Please find a pair that are. And wear those.

Anyway, back to Rocket Bar. Grab a few drinks and challenge your date to a game of skee ball (my favorite!) or shuffle board. If you're into more serious bar games, they also have pool tables and dart boards. But, really, where's the excitement in playing generic bar games? Save it for your buddies.

After a few drinks, you can keep with the space theme and take a cab up to Georgetown for dinner at Paper Moon. If you're going on a Friday or Saturday, you might want to make reservations beforehand. There is a lot of foot traffic in Georgetown on the weekends and restaurants tend to fill up pretty fast.

This is the Reason You Couldn't Get a Date

Back in high school, I was asked out on my very first "real" date by a man we'll call Brutus. This was early enough in high school that neither one of us could drive, so we had to rely on parental transportation. (Oh the shame...)

Brutus was a soccer jock, kinda pasty pale skin, and red hair to match. My boyfriend is a redhead now, but wasn't this pale. Brutus also had oddly shaped freckles that seemed to be spattered across his face and body with no particular rhyme, reason, or symmetry that I could see.

Nevertheless, I was excited for my first date. My parents were too, which is always embarrassing... but at least mine didn't show up with a camera like his did. No, it wasn't prom, homecoming, or any other dress-up event that would have actually warranted and been justified in having a picture to commemorate its occurrence. I had no idea where we were headed on this date of ours, but I was ready to get going after the tenth photo.

Clearly, the date was starting off right. Brutus' parents drove us to the local bowling alley, setting up shop just two lanes down the way - as if that was far enough to give us space without actually bowling with us. It might have actually fooled us, except his Dad would cheer everytime Brutus hit more than three or four pins. On the bright side, at least they didn't offer to put us on the bumper lane.

After we finished our two games, his parents drove us back to his place for a movie. Once there, they actually left us pretty much alone... and I look back on it and realize how good I had it when they were around.

It was more than just a lack of chemistry that kept me from ever seeing Brutus again. It really came down to self-preservation. Brutus was a dirty minded boy. The sorts of things he was asking me to do (or saying we could do down the road) are things even today as a grown professional woman I would never consider. I was shocked! I wasn't completely sheltered growing up, but I sure as hell wasn't prepared for some of his suggestions of what we should spend some time doing.

1. If I were to ever have had sex with him, leaving pets in the room was never something I would consciously plan for. He actually proposed that we might be more "excited" if "someone... even an animal..." was watching.
2. I don't care how much you like fixing cars or the smell of vehicular residue, but pouring things on my body that you would find in a car is not even remotely something to suggest if you expect an affirmative response.
3. I don't like the idea of being tied up or restricted - and bungee cords is the absolute weirdest fetish I have heard to accomplish this task to this very day.

You may be wondering how in the world this conversation came up. I was wondering the same thing! I asked him what movie we were going to watch and he suggested we "talk" a bit first. At first I was pleased, but when he introduced the subject.. well I was no longer happy with the situation.

Needless to say, I was disgusted and disturbed. I made a solemn promise to myself to never go on another date with Brutus.

When Brutus first called to ask me out again, I simply said I was busy. In the next couple calls, I wasn't feeling well. After that, it became quite the production to come up with excuses on why I couldn't go out with him anymore. He called - every other day - for three months. I think back on it and I'm pretty sure it was because no girl would ever go out with him again. That would explain his parents taking so many pictures - I guess they were as shocked as I am now that he ever got a girl to go out with him.'

Of COURSE I would never go out with him again! I mean, really?

At some point, Brutus did figure out that I wasn't ever going to be "available" for him again. He took the "Breakup" badly and he hated me for the rest of high school. He badmouthed me and even tried to convince guys who I later dated that they "could do better" than me. Well, if by doing better, he meant someone who would play along with his sick little fetish games - in HIGH SCHOOL - then yes, there were far better women than me out there. They were called tramps.

Skid Row Bums

Fred had a relative whom his family ridiculed for a vareity of reasons. One of the most ridiculous was the fact that, despite being well past potty-training age (able-bodied and of normal intelligence), she still would not wipe her own rear.

Fred, on the other hand, was in his mid-twenties and did wipe his own rear, however the responsibility proved to be too much for him. Despite years of practice, he still had not mastered the art of properly cleaning himself. I don't mean to single out Fred. Shrek was just as bad about this. This is more of a general rant.

Dating Shrek was terrible because every single pair of boxers he owned had...evidence of wear. And Fred was so bad that every single surface in his apartment that he had ever sat on smelled like what comes out of one's bottom. It was absolutely foul. I couldn't sit on his sofa without smelling poo.

It just completely blows my mind that the men I used to date would wear roomy boxers and still manage to get their butt juice on them, while I wear thongs -- underwear designed to go up my ass -- and they still are stain-free.

Both of these men tried to defend their wiping skills, claiming that men just have leaky butts. Um, no, not all men do. In fact, in my experience I have found that most do not.

Just to make sure I am not dating the exceptions, I asked some girlfriends about their experience with men having this problem. Then, I asked some men if they personally had this problem. My conclusion is that this is not a normal condition. If your butt is leaking, you really need to go to the doctor and have that problem addressed. Your underwear should not be covered in stains. Your furniture should not smell.

Seriously, boys, you are disgusting. Go to a doctor.

Date of the Week: Kayaking!

My first job was working at a boat rental center, so I have a thing for small watercraft. If paddle boats in the tidal basin are a little too dorky for your liking, you can always try kayaking in the Potomac. For this, I would recommend wearing something casual. Shorts and a t-shirt. You'll get a little wet from paddling, and we all know how clean the Potomac is, so don't wear white.

For $10 an hour, you and your date can get a double kayak from the Thompson Boat Center. If they're out of boats, you can try Jack's, which is up the river a little more. They're a little bit more expensive though.

Some days, there is more of a current than others, but regardless, I would suggest rowing upstream first. Once you get past the key bridge, there is a lot to see. It is surprisingly calm for being just a few hundred yards away from the hustle and bustle of Georgetown. The Three Sisters Rock formation marks the farthest point navigable by larger boats, so after you get past there, you can relax and just drift for a bit. I've seen a lot of people kayak up here then bird-watch. If that's your thing, go for it. Otherwise, just sit back and enjoy the scenery.

Some people BYOB on their kayaks and crack one open at this point. I am going to be a nerd here and say don't do that. You should not operate any watercraft, motorized or not, under the influence. But, definitely bring some water, it gets a little hot on the water sometimes.

The good thing about rowing against the current to start off with is that you can coast back downriver to the boat center. Of course, be mindful of the other boats in the water, you may want to stay closer to the shore so you're out of the way of motorboat operators who may have had a few too many.

After returning your kayak, continue your day of river fun by grabbing an outside table overlooking the Potomac at Nick's for lunch and a few drinks. The Georgetown Waterfront is a great place for people-watching and is a very chill environment, especially during the day. It will be a nice break after all that rowing.