Wonder No More

I once went on an awkward date during which I was asked if I had had any work done. At the time, I was shocked, confused and self-conscious. I felt terribly concerned that something on me was fake-looking. I never really figured out what that something was.

Well, today, I think I have figured it out. When logging on to Facebook, one of my announcements was that my date from two years ago had posted some new pictures. I was slightly curious, so I decided to check them out. And, oh my god! His date looks to be about ten years older than me and like she had implants done when she was 18. They are obvious (if you've ever seen fake tits, then you know that they often have a weird ridge on top), and they are sinking down her chest (as they do over time), so they are now about 6 inches lower than boobs naturally occur.

So, the mystery has been solved. My boobs are apparently in the fake size range. And my bad date was just hoping they were, in fact, fake.

And I wonder...

Second dates are awkward. I stress way more about a second date than I do about a first. A first date is always a crap shoot as far as the guy's personality goes. I go in knowing this and don't expect too much from it. But by a second date, I already know a little bit about the person and am looking at them with a more critical eye. On a first date, I get to know the guy; on a second date I figure out if I want to date him.

Usually after a first date, I have some sort of burning question that I am too embarrassed to ask. However, the wrong answer to this question will immediately make me not want to date the guy. So, I will resolve to bring it up as a joke on the second date. Everyone does this; if anyone tells you otherwise, it is a lie! But the catch is you only get one joke question. Just one. It would be totally lame to play the ask-personal-questions-jokingly-all-night game. So, every time I am about to go on a second date, I think long and hard about what I am going to ask.

I went on a second date last week, and knew that the one thing I wanted to know was whether my date had been married before (he is a bit older than I am). Luckily, he mentioned his buddy getting back together with his ex-wife, so I was able to deliver my joke question relatively smoothly (ok, as smoothly as one can honestly hope to deliver it -- it's always a little awkward). I got the right answer and was rather pleased with my efforts.

Later than evening, he asked his joke question. Out of all the questions in the world he could have asked, he picked one of the dumbest and least appropriate ones I can think of.

Have you had any work done?

Really, do I look like I've had work done? Granted, I am pretty attractive, but seriously, I am 23. Not many people are honestly in need of work when they are my age. What exactly was he saying? Does something on me look fake? Are my boobs too big? Are my cheekbones too high? I don't get it.

I gave him some sarcastic response to the effect of "I had a nose-job. I used to have a really cute button nose, but decided that I wanted to get a big German nose instead. I thought it would give me more character."

I still can't get over this. Do people actually think I've had work done? Enough so that this is the most burning question people have about me?

I don't even know what to say about this one.