Today's question comes from the Washington Post live chat:
Do nice girls finish last?: It seems to me through many years of observation that the bitchiest, most high-maintenance and demanding women are the ones getting all the men, and nice girls finish last. I don't need a "provider" and don't want children, am successful, own my own home, etc. That seems to be such a turn-off to men! Is it that the bitchy/demanding/insecure ones make them feel "needed"? And why are so many husbands putting up with being nagged incessantly instead of choosing an easygoing, undemanding partner? And how do women like that let the guys know that 'yes, we still do need them'?
As soon as I read this, two things popped in my head: 1) You don't sound very nice. 2) I bet you're fat and/or ugly. Since I am probably one of those girls who is bitchy, high maintenance and demanding, I decided to ask a guy for his thoughts on your question. He said the exact same two things. Just, not in that order.
I am not going to answer your questions because I feel that your premises are invalid -- nice girls are able to find men. All other things being equal, men do not prefer to be nagged incessantly. Instead, I am going to tell you why you are unable to land a man.
First, as I mentioned before, my first thought when reading your question is that you don't sound nice. Honestly, the overall tone of your letter is bitchy and bitter. No one wants to hang out with someone who whines about how all her demanding friends can snag a man but she can't. The fact that you're calling these women bitchy, high maintenance and demanding also does not make you seem nice. I have no reason to believe that you are a nice girl. Rather, I think that you have no real stand-out qualities, so you're assuming you're nice.
Why do you think you're nice? Have men described you as nice? That is usually a euphemism for fat. Also, based on your question, I am guessing that you think high maintenance is the opposite of nice. So, based on that, I am assuming that you consider yourself ultra-low maintenance. You probably are the type of woman who doesn't wear make-up or heels or dresses. You probably don't shave your legs or get your eyebrows waxed. This is not attractive to men. Yes, every man says he wants someone who is low maintenance, but what he really means is he wants someone who isn't wearing gobs of makeup. Gobs of makeup isn't pretty, but neither is broken out skin, under eye circles and eyebrows that have run amuk. Men want women who look pretty. Being pretty means being put together, which could be what you refer to as "high maintenance".
You conclude by implying that you are an easygoing, undemanding partner. To me, this means you sit on the couch like a lump. If this is all you have to offer, you're boring. You do not sound like you bring anything to the table other than a house. And unless it is a really sweet house, it's not going to land you a man. This also contradicts the overall tone of your letter. You bitch about being single, but then swear you're so easy to get along with. You sound desperate, and desperation is only a turn-on at last call.
And how do women like that let the guys know that 'yes, we still do need them?' Don't worry about letting men know you're needy. They already know; you're dripping in desperation.
