Tuesday, December 07, 2010

LoserEx Answers Your Questions

Here at LoserEx, we consider ourselves experts on dating. And as such, we feel qualified to give out unsolicited advice. Unlike other advice columns, we're not very tactful. Actually, we're pretty bitchy. We plan to continue giving our advice to people who sound like they need it, whether they want it or not. If you actually want our advice on something, feel free to email us.

Today's questions come from the Washington Post live chat:

Marriage for kids?: Hi Carolyn, Thanks for taking my question. I just found out I'm pregnant. I'm slowly getting to be very happy about this news even though it was not, ahem, planned. My boyfriend wants to get married before the baby comes. But is a baby the right reason to get married? I've not always been supportive of marriage because I've seen what happens to friends when they divorced and it wouldn't have been nearly as messy if that slip of paper was not involved and they could have just walked away. If it helps, we're both mid to late thirties but haven't been together very long.

You're having a kid with this man but you don't want to get married for fear a break-up would be messy? If you do break up five years down the line, without having ever gotten married, how do you see this working out? You have a kid together. You don't get to just walk away anymore. I don't really care if you get married or not, but just realize either way you're not going to be making a clean break.

Also, if you choose to get married, please choose a small tasteful ceremony (maybe even just going to the courthouse) over a big white wedding. There is nothing tackier than a visibly pregnant bride waddling down the aisle of a church in a fluffy white gown, flanked by 7 bridesmaids. Seriously. I'm embarrassed for you just thinking about it.


Washington DC: Carolyn -- Can you think of any reason it would ever be ok for your boyfriend to hack in and read your email? Or is that pretty much always a dealbreaker?

I would like to elaborate on Carolyn Hax's response here (which was "Dealbreaker.").

If your boyfriend is hacking into your email, he does not trust you. I do not know whether this is merited, but that doesn't matter. If a basic level of trust cannot exist, you guys should not date. If you continue to date him, he will continue to read your email (trust me on this one, once that door has been opened, there is no turning back) and probably find other ways to spy on you as well. You deserve to be with someone who trusts you and respects your privacy. Your boyfriend does not. Just dump him. Seriously.

Then change all your passwords.

On a related note, if you're ever thinking about snooping through your significant other's email/text messages/voicemail/secret diary, take a hard look at your relationship. Chances are it's time to end things.