Hey Hey What's That Sound?

Fratty was a frat boy. A stalker frat boy.

Let me explain.

Fratty and I had dated casually for a few weeks. At some point, I realized he wasn't really all that bright, and I had better things to do than continue messing around with him. Let me be clear, we had never slept together - at all. We hadn't been dating that long. Nevertheless, Fratty apparently didn't get the memo that he was never going to sleep with me.

We still hung out in the same circles, and occasionally ran into one another. We both happened to go to the same party one night, at the home of a mutual friend of ours who I had gone to high school with. Realizing I had drank a wee bit too much, I asked my friend if I could stay at his house. He was happy to oblige, and even offered me the guest room. Little did I know that Fratty had overheard the exchange.

Later in the evening, Fratty, "too drunk to go home," asked my friend if he, too, could stay the night. My friend, the ever accommodating guy that he was, agreed, telling him he could stay on the fouton in his room.

After I had fallen asleep, I was awakened by the door opening and shutting in the guest room I was sleeping in. It was Fratty.

"Umm, what are you doing?"

"I'm tired. His fouton is uncomfortable" And he laid down next to me.

"Uh, no. You can't stay in here. Please leave."

After repeated attempts to cuddle (you would think a couple of pointed arm removals, hand slaps, and the escalating face slaps would be some sort of deterent), I finally stood up and walked out of the room. Fratty finally left the guest bedroom a few minutes after it clicked I wasn't going to come back in for some more cuddling.

Not even a half an hour into finally falling asleep, I was awakened by snoring. There was no one in the bed, so I glanced on the floor. Curiously, there was nothing either, but snoring was still distinctly audible.

On a hunch, I looked under the bed. Fratty had squeezed, apparently quite quietly, under the bed while I slept. I shook him to wake his stalker ass up, but he was either in a deep sleep or convinced that if he faked it long enough I would leave him be.

I wasn't going to put up with it, so I went to my friend's room and took shelter on his fouton - which was surprisingly quite comfortable, contrary to Fratty's claims.

In the morning, my friend accussed Fratty of playing musical beds, and not-so-kindly told him off on my behalf. Now that's what good friends are for. Scaring off creepy loserexes.

Freakin STALKER.