It all adds up to nothing.

Shrek had a friend. A female friend. Who was like a sister to him (which is funny because he loathed every one of his female relatives). Anyway, little whiney sister needed a math credit. Actually, big fat asshole did as well, but I'll get to that. Ok, so little whiney sister needed a math credit, and she was too scared to take a big hard math class all by her little self, so she talked Shrek into taking a stats class with her. I never heard the end of what a good friend he was to take this class with her, because he was so good at math. Afterall, he was the captain of his Quiz Bowl team, which placed second to last in the state. He went on and on about how easy this class was for him, but how he was taking it to help out his darling little sister. This annoyed the hell out of me, because I knew that he needed the math credit anyway, and that he was not as damn smart as he kept trying to convince me.

Two years later, me and Shrek have had our drawn-out, dramatic parting. He calls to say he has some of my stuff at his place still, and asks if he can bring it over. I tell him "hell no," and that I will send some people to collect my belongings. My friends return from the darkside with boxes that he has haphazardly thrown items in, and include both my stuff and his. I am annoyed as hell that he is trying to dump his stuff on me. But, since he gave it to me, I figure it is my right -- no -- responsibility to go through it all.

One box has a few notebooks at the bottom, some are mine, and one is his. I go through his notes to see what the ogre even writes down in class, and stumble across an old test tucked between the pages. It is a stats test. From that really easy stats class that he took with whiney little sister. More importantly, it is a stats test which he failed.

Ok, when I said he failed the test, that was a gross understatement. I'm not sure if there is a word for failing epically, but if there is, that is the word I want to use to describe this test. I read through the test, and the answers he gives are out-of-this-world bad! For example, there is a fill-in-the-blank section in the beginning in which a few definitions are given, and the test-taker is to fill-in the word which is being defined. Every single one (there were 8 of them) had the word "statistics" filled in. This was not the correct answer to any of the questions. It only went downhill from there. There was nothing right on this test. It looked like someone had filled it out poorly as a joke. I would have suspected this had it not been graded.

For awhile (during the time we were dating), I wondered how he was failing out of school, since he seemed to think all his classes were too easy for him. He apparently didn't have to try, and got A's on everything. I never saw how this was possible, seeing as one does not fail out of college for getting a 4.0. After seeing this test, it all became clear that he was lying about yet another thing. More importantly though, it all became clear that, contrary to his claims, I am much smarter than he will ever be. I am willing to bet that whiney little sister who can't figure out basic math did better in this class than he did.