You're always dressed to kill...

If I were to make a dating application for myself right now, one of the first sections would be about dressing appropriately. I would give a list of situations which could possible arise and ask what would be the right outfit for a guy to wear in each situation. There would also be questions like "what color shoes would you wear with a navy blue suit" and other items assessing their basic knowledge of not looking like a douche.

In fact, that's not a bad idea. Perhaps I really ought to put together a dating application.

Every guy I've dated has had a wardrobe that disappoints. Boris had the "field master" sweatshirt, Fruit Fly had a dog collar, Shrek had the Big Dogs shirts and Fred, despite hearing my problems with the previous three, wasn't much better.

The wardrobe issue epitomizes my problems with men. I put entirely too much effort into things they will only take for granted . I put thought and consideration into my appearance. If I didn't, I'm sure said men would never have been attracted to me int he first place. Sure, I understand that this is not what makes my relationships work. But, honestly, if I put the same effort into my appearance that these men put into theirs, they never would have approached me in the first place. The men I've dated just come to expect that I will not look like I rolled out of bed. They assume that I will go through all that trouble. And yet, not one of them ever bothered to think about how I feel about the fact they can't be bothered to put aside 10 minutes to find something to wear that is clean.

I can't even begin to go into all the times I've straightened my hair, curled my hair, dyed my hair, worn more skirts, worn more colors, worn more make-up, not worn my wellies, worn the lacy underwear and worn the ugly-ass sweater with the ostrich feathers (that made me get a rash around my neck) all because some loser ex-boyfriend liked that better.

But yet, not one of these guys could have cared less about what I wanted. They still wore their jorts, wore their Hawaiian shirts, wore socks with Birkenstocks (with dress pants in winter), wore pit-stained shirts, wore dog collars, wore free shirts out to dinner, wore green jeans, wore dirty underwear and countless other items which I did not approve of.

I've tried telling them, begging them, buying them clothes, showing them pictures. Everything. People say that men are clueless about dressing and want a women's opinion. Bullshit. These men are set on looking like special ed students who try to dress themselves.

I am not saying that I resent getting dressed-up for the men I date, because I certainly do not. Quite the opposite is true. I don't want to be one of those women who dresses frumpily and looks 10 years older than she actually is. I want to look pretty. I want my boyfriend to still look at me after we've been dating for 2 years and think that I am attractive.

I just want him to not want me to look at him after 6 months of dating and be embarrassed.