As trivial as it seems, every time I think about this story I get angry. The one time I tried to tell this story to someone, I couldn't keep from yelling and cursing at the end of it. It just pisses me off that much. The thing is, I never made a big deal about it at the time. Maybe I did. I think I have tried to block anything pertaining to it out of my mind.
Sure, Fred had disappointed me in the past, but I was sure that on this day, he wouldn't. It was the best time of year in the best city in the world. We were going out to brunch, which is the best meal ever. This should have been perfect. Everything was lined-up so that a screw-up seemed impossible. Boy, was I in for a surprise.
We arrived at the small historic hotel where I had enjoyed many a brunch in the past. We were seated at an outside table with a prime view. Fred was even dressed reasonably well (could have been better, but I was willing to take what I could get). Everything was going so well. Then, fate threw Fred a curve ball.
The menu had been changed from à la carte to prix fixe. Fred did not have nice things growing up, so an unfamiliar menu with some fancy French words at the top really confused the hell out of him. I could see this would end horribly, so I explained to him what "prix fixe" means, and even went through with him and picked out what he would order. Crisis averted. Except, not really. Oh, I wish it had been that simple.
The waitress returned to take our order and Fred began. He picked his appetizer. So far so good. Perhaps Fred was going to actually go a day without embarassing himself as well as those around him. He chose his salad. Ok, still good.
That's included in the $49.99, I presume?
Wait, what? Did he really just ask that? I was mortified. Yes, dumbass, FRICKING FIXED PRICE!!! HOW HARD IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND?!?! IT EVEN SAYS 'SELECT ONE' UNDER EACH DAMN HEADING!!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!! Sorry. I told you this story really makes me angry.
How the hell could he have screwed this up? Everytime I imagine him saying this, I want to punch someone. Not only that, but he said it in the most pompous voice ever. Fred had this habit of ordering his food in a really pompous manner (think sterotypical butler voice). I think he thought it made him sound classy. Except it really just made him sound even trashier. Fred had a way of handling every situation without showing one iota of class. There was no changing this; he was completely hell-bent on looking like a tool.
But really, was he not listening to any of the past 10 minutes I spent explaining the menu to him? Or was he just too much of a douche to believe anything I told him? Why the hell did he not trust what I had told him? I was beyond offended that he wouldn't listen to me (but not nearly as offended as I was humiliated by his behavior).
The waitress made a face that said "who let you out of the trailer park?" as she rolled her eyes and sheepishly told him that each course is, in fact, included in the prix fixe menu.
CMS, I feel your pain. I never knew true humiliation until someone in the service industry looked at me with contempt.
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4 comments:
Did he actually quote the price or did he ask if it was included in the prix fixe? Not that the latter would be much better, but there's something so tacky about actually quoting the price back to the waitress.
The part that really got me was the "I presume." I mean, it would have been bad if he had asked "is this included in the price?" but the damn "I presume" is just too much. It was the worst possible question phrased in the worst possible manner. He could have asked the same question in Ebonics and it still would not have gotten to me as much as the damn "I presume" -- at least in Ebonics it would have made me laugh. Ugh, just thinking about this makes me want to scream.
I was actually pretty thrown when they changed it. Fratty Ex and I went to brunch there for the first time since the hurricane and it was different. And what happened to the four dollar bottles of champagne????
I thought I was being vague about the location, but I guess you know my brunching habits all too well. Anyway, yeah, the one free glass of champagne clearly is not enough for a booze-hound like me.
You probably don't remember this, but at one time, it was free champagne. Sigh...The Columns has really gone downhill.
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