I Think I'll Have Myself a Beer

Fred decided to rush a fraternity his sophomore year of college. He had missed out on the whole IFC rush shindig both years, but when he heard that a new chapter was starting on campus, he decided that he would give this a shot (side note: joining a new fraternity is for losers who couldn't get in an established chapter).

Since there were no current members of the chapter, the rush events were all very official and held by alumni from other chapters of the fraternity as well as other current members from nearby schools.

Now, I am not 100% sure if this is a universal rule, but I know that it was widely known that at my college, fraternity rush events are "alcohol free." What this means is a fraternity will throw a picnic or poker tournament during the early evening which will have an end time of 8pm. After 8, the fraternity busts out the booze, or goes to a bar and will invite rushees to join them. One fraternity tried to do a true alcohol-free rush one year, and their pledge class quality reflected this poor decision.

Anyway, when there are advisers, people from the fraternity headquarters, or IFC officers present, the fraternity rush events are very strictly dry.

The first event held by the fraternity Fred was interested in was a crawfish boil to be held on the quad one Saturday afternoon. Fred suited-up in his best Hawaiian shirt and jorts and waddled his fat ass over to the party.

After arriving at the party and signing-up as an official rushee, he wasted no time speaking with some of the advisers who were flown in from across the country to establish the chapter. After introducing himself, he asked where the keg was.

An awkward silence fell over the group and several uncomfortable looks were exchanged before one advisor finally explained that rush events were dry. Fred was shocked and proceeded to express this.

It blows my mind that he managed to never figure this one out. He had seen two classes go through rush at this point, and surely he must have heard someone talking about this. Furthermore, I don't understand why he ask someone the whereabouts of a keg if no one around him was drinking.

Apparently he managed to never figure out that alcohol is not served at the official rush events, rather at the unofficial events held later in the evening. After his display, he didn’t have to worry about being invited to one of those.