- A teddy bear that you bought in August and slept with every night so now it smells like your funk
- A popsicle-maker--the plastic kind you pour juice in and stick in the freezer for a few hours
- A musical Mickey Mouse toothbrush
- a poem that you wrote, especially if you don't have a basic grasp of the English language
- The Book of Mormon, with your favorite passages marked
- A DVD that you really want
- A video you already own
- Anything stolen from the local emergency room
- Anything from Fredericks of Hollywood. Especially if it resembles something Mrs. Claus would wear in a porno.
- The necklace she asked for at her birthday six months ago that you neglected to buy.
- A gift certificate to Outback Steak House (I haven't received this one yet, but the current boyfriend has threatened me with it)
- An ugly "Y" necklace--ten years after "Y" necklaces ceased to be in style
- An "open-heart" necklace--especially if you bought her an "open-heart" necklace last year
- A Hillary Duff calendar
The sad thing is I've actually received every single one of these gifts and I've actually been forced to act surprised and delighted at each and every one. Yet every year, I agonize over what to get my boyfriend. This year I took the why-bother route. I got him a present, but it took me about five minutes to figure out what to get him. He'll like it because there will be hell to pay if he doesn't.
Plus the only thing he really wants for Christmas is to get in my pants so if I lead him on for awhile, he'll be the happiest man in the world.
4 comments:
I've gotten worse. The top winner is this category is easily the self-portrait which was a Christmas gift that I recieved after my birthday. Also, I didn't even get a birthday present that year. The self-portrait was really poorly painted, and a fricking VAIN gift to give someone. Also, for Valentine's Day, I got this koala thingy with a big red leafy plant coming out of its ass. Nice. Then, there was the sweater with crazy ostrich feathers around the neck. And the ring wiich was not even in my size because, apparently no one believes that I really wear a size 5 (actually smaller) ring.
I can't believe I forgot this one! Once, Ex 1 gave me 12 lbs of cheese. I realize that some people are crazy about cheese and would eat this much of it, but I am really not that much of a cheese person. Plus, that took up a good portion of the fridge. And seriously, who gives their girlfreind 12 fricking pounds of cheese?
Ok, I have another thought about this. Why do guys always think jewelry is the "safe" gift to give a girl? It really isn't. Well, not the stuff I;ve gotten anyway. Unless they are really really perceptive to what I wear, or they take their sister out shopping with them, I would rather they not try to pick out a piece for me. For one thing, I never wear yellow gold, yet every guy I have ever dated has given me at least one huge, gaudy yellow gold something. Which brings me to my next point: unless your girlfriend is 60 years old, she does not want something huge and gaudy (unless it came from Harry Winston, in which case, go crazy). Also, every guy has at some point given me the ever-so-cliche heart necklace. Is there a girl anywhere in the world who does not have at least 3 of them already because every guy thinks thats what a girl wants to own?
I don't mind yellow gold too much. I wear a lot more silver and white gold though so if a guy were really perceptive he would buy silver/white gold.
The only time this will really be an issue is if my engagement ring is yellow gold. I really really really would prefer that to be white gold since I will wear that everyday for the rest of my life.
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