Ok, so this is a story about a guy who was never my boyfriend (and therefore not a loserex), though he definitely wanted to be. But, it deserves to be told anyway.
Around Valentine's Day of this year, I got the following facebook message:
You will very likely find this message "outof the blue". I'm pretty sure you have no recollection of me whatsoever, and understandably so. We met very briefly close to a year and a half ago at the Medical fraternity's Luau. I was the medical student that bummed the next to last cigarette from you and shared your last cigarette at that party. The fact that I remember such detail may give you a hint about the impression you made on me... I thought you were VERY cute and... HOT! Anyway, I never had the chance to get your number or get to know you more... We parted on a dangling conversation. Anyway, granted that I had had quite a few beers that night, the impression was strong enough that I tracked you down and am sending this message now. I wanted to do this last year but for many reasons I did not. Besides, all I knew about you was your first name and that you were in International development economics. You're probably thinking at this point that this is a warped, frustrated, foreigner and nerd of a med student trying to score or just lonely around Valentine's. I swear that's not the case, especially since I'm in Texas now. The reason I'm sending this message is because I may regret if I never do... You see I've lived a fairly "prophylactic" life, although, I'm a total looser. But I couldn't help trying to contact you somehow,and I figured around valentine's would be an appropriate time since I've found you on facebook. Well, I don't expect to have swept you off your feet, but I'd really like to get to know you maybe have a few drinks again...If nothing else, I hope this message lets you know you are being admired, or maybe put a smile on your face, or at the very least amuse you! Happy Valentine's! Your not so secret admirer, XXXX
I have not changed anything in the message (except eliminating the name, of course), so all the spelling errors, etc are his--so yes, he used the word "prophylactic" and then misspelled "loser" in the same sentence.
The funny thing is that I actually do remember this guy. I remember him bumming cigarettes off of me and me actually being into him (he was a med student and I was drunk). I also remember my friend pulling me away from him while shrieking "Beer goggles, beer goggles" in my ear.
I do have the worst beer goggles in the history of the world. Ask anyone.
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2 comments:
It's okay, we've all had beer goggles. Ratty boxers boy who google-searched me comes to mind....
I seem to remember another bad beer goggles story about you from not too long ago...only this time, I was the one yelling in your ear "beer goggles!! OMG, beer goggles!" but you ignored my warning, and wondered later how you could have ended up with such an awful bargoyle. hahahahahahaha...but the fact that this guy sent you a facebook message (of all mediums) over a year later makes him a much bigger loser.
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