Well, someone has never seen a circus!

Out of everyone I have ever met, no one had ever been as consistently wrong as Shrek. Out of everyone I've ever met, no one has ever been as consistently certain he was right as Shrek. See where I'm going with this?

If you had asked me two years ago to name an example which illustrated both of these two qualities, I could have rattled off about a million in a heartbeat. It seems that, over time, these instances have faded into the back of my mind, and I am now left only remembering a numbered few situations. My favorite of these situations would have to be this one:

I was riding in the ogre's car, talking on the phone with my sister about nothing and everything. When I got off the phone, Shrek demanded to know what we were talking about (I should point out here, that he demanded to know about every conversation I had with anyone, as he was incredibly paranoid that I might be *gasp* talking about him...but for the record, I totally wasn't).

I shrugged it off, and just told him that she had called to say that a calliope (pronounced Ka-lye-Oh-Pee) from the town which she was living in at the time was being sent to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, and that people for reason (unbeknownst to either of us) everyone was making a huge deal out of the damn calliope. After having said this, Shrek rolls his eyes, and lets our the most contempt-filled laugh you can imagine.

The conversation which followed was something to this effect:

Me: What?
Shrek: Calliope (ka-lye-oh-pee)?
Me: yeah...
Shrek: that's not how the word is pronounced
Me: The instrument with the pipes? Are we talking about the same thing?
Shrek: yes, and it is Kaul-i-oop-A.
Me: No.
Shrek: It is a French word. It is kaul-i-oop-A.
Me: First of all, I am pretty sure it is derived from Greek, the word "Kalli" as in "kalliopolis" like Plato's Republic.
Shrek: It's French.
Me: Does it even matter where it came from? The point is, in English we say "Ka-lye-Oh-Pee."
Shrek: Have you ever heard it pronounced before.
Me Yes, have you? Why don't we look it up when we get home?

We got home, looked it up, and Shrek still insisted that it was Kaul-i-oop-A. Wtf? I guess not only can he not pronounce "calliope," he also can't read phonetic spellings of words. He even claimed that the recording of the word being said on the dictionary website was inocrrect.

There are a few other examples of him being proven wrong, and still insisting that he is right, but why bother listing them?