In a boy's dream.

Never date a guy you meet at happy hour. Especially if that happy hour entails dollar drafts at Rock Bottom.

I made this mistake last summer--my sister and I met him, after several beers I gave him my card and he called a few days later and asked me out. Ordinarily I would have politely turned him down but he was really attractive and I wasn't exactly looking for a long-term thing at the time.

We were supposed to meet at a local Spanish tapas bar (I hate tapas--I think they are pretentious but he suggested it) at 6:30. At 6:15 he called and said he was going to be late because he decided to go running and still had to take a shower.

I'm sorry, if you have someplace to be at 6:30, you get your workout out of the way at lunch. But being nice (and having already cleared my calendar for the night), I agreed to wait for him at the bar. But I did run up a nice little tab on sangria and this awesome eggplant dish. (Hey--I'm not that innocent.)

He finally arrives at 7:15, closes out the bar tab (good thinking pal) and gets us a table. Then he asks if I've ever been to Spain and when I say no, he takes my menu and starts ordering stuff for us in Spanish. I didn't mind--a man who knows his way around a wine and tapas list AND can order in a different language is sort of attractive.

What I did mind was how he wanted to tell me, in painstaking detail, all about how he broke off his engagement with his fiancee. And how much adversity he faced growing up in the northern 'burbs of Chicago (riiiight). And how he used to be a male model. And how he was leaving in the morning to fly to Seattle to go backpacking with Dave Matthews (of Dave Matthews Band fame) and his father because they were all really close. In fact, I think Dave was sending his private plane to pick this guy up.

Come on...do I really look like I fell off the back of the turnip truck?

The highlight of the evening came at the end, when he was walking me to my car and said "I don't know what to do with you: you are so sweet and innocent and it just makes me want to bend you over and fuck you."

I put a very fast end to that date and never called him back.

I hope he had fun with Dave.